."Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT. I was insanely jealous of her. I was studious, round, plump and bespectacled. Boys only feigned interest in me to get closer to her. Although we couldn’t have been more different we struck up a really close bond. “It must be 15 years since I last saw you” Deanna said to me, surveying me with those bright blue eyes of hers. Her face now wrinkled when she smiled, but she was still stunning. She was a little plumper than before, but that’s what having 3 k**s will do to you. Her blonde hair was starting to grey at the roots, and she still, in my opinion, put too much bronzer on her face. “So, tell me everything! How are you? Are you still married? How’s work?” I started to tell her a mini version of my life story. Yes I was still married, although going through a rough patch. No we didn’t have k**s and work was beyond stressful! Deanna listened intently, smiling and nodding. Then all of a sudden her eyes darted behind me, and she jumped up and waved, “Brandon, Brandon! Over here!” I.
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